That date is more significant to me. That date is the day we should be celebrating with you. We should be raising a glass with you, laughing with you, hugging you, sharing a piece of cake with you and rejoicing in the fact that you are one year older.
God had other plans. We will never understand them, we may never even accept them. However, as much as it pains me to say, we can never change them.
So on 2nd September my heart will be heavy. Instead of celebrating I will be mourning. Instead of sharing a drink with you, I will drink in your honour. Instead of laughing with you I will cry. I will cry until I drift off to sleep and hope you appear in my dreams as you sometimes do.
Our dreams and memories are all we have left. Memories of your brief life on this Earth. Memories of happy times when none of us ever could have thought something so tragic would happen to us. Memories that I cherish and replay in my mind regularly.
I can remember one of my last happy times with you so vividly. I can still feel the warmth of the Spring evening, the smell of flowers that had already began to bloom, I can hear the laughter at both our table and the people around us. I can clearly see your beautiful smiling face. I will never ever forget the tight squeeze you gave me as we left. I can hear the words you spoke to me. As you wrapped your arms around me tightly you thanked us for coming to celebrate your birthday. It was our pleasure I responded.
The memories from that night have been etched in my mind and they will remain there forever. I replay them in fear of forgetting them. I replay them so that no matter what my cousin David will always have a place in my heart.
The pain never goes away, the heartache will always be raw. All I can do to make sense of it and hope that you are in a beautiful place. I pray to God that you are with him in paradise.
My gorgeous cousin David, my love for you is endless!
Love your cuzzie Jen
x
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