An open letter to my 2-year old boy....

To my darling boy,

Happy birthday dear boy.  I hope you have had a wonderful day with your family.

Your sister has certainly put in a lot of effort to spoil you and make your day special.  She has told everyone we bumped into today that it's her baby brothers birthday.  She told them how old you turned and made everyone (including strangers) sing to you.  Clearly she takes after her Mumma and just loves to celebrate birthday's.

This day two years ago you entered the world.  You changed the lives of so many people, especially me.  It has been a roller coaster journey with lots of ups and downs, however at the end of every day we thank God that you are apart of our family.

We were blessed when you came into our lives.  You are cheeky and challenging, smart yet clumsy and you sure know how to make everyone laugh.  Although you have a stubborn streak which I think you get from both Mumma and Dadda, you are still so kind and gentle.

You are affectionate and love morning cuddles.  I think my favourite time of day is when you first wake up (albeit 5am most mornings), have your milk in bed with Mumma and Dadda and then pass us your empty cup saying "finished".  Then you roll over, snuggle in and close your eyes.

You wear us out and most mornings we feel drained and exhausted, and although you are up before the sun, we wouldn't trade you for anything (except maybe some more zzzzz's).

Watching you grow over the past two years has been an honour.  As a parent you witness the first words, first steps, first laugh, first cry, everything is new, everything is exciting.  You bring happiness to our home and I am so proud of the beautiful boy you are today.

I can see the terrible twos have hit early, I sometimes yell, I sometimes scream and I sometimes expect way too much from you.  You have only been on this earth for 24-months.  Imagine that, only 2 years old and we already expect you to be so perfect.

Well let me tell you my boy, you are allowed to make mistakes, be loud and cause mischief.  You can get dirty, you can climb (and fall) and you can make a huge mess.

It is my job as your mother to teach you the good from the bad and the wrong from the right.  However baby boy even though I'm older and apparently wiser, sometimes I get it wrong.  Let's learn together, grow together and experience this wonderful thing called life together.

I love you my darling and I will devote my heart and soul into ensuring your happiness.

Lots of love Mumma

Accepting change!

Sometimes we accept and even embrace change, other times we fight it.  We get anxious, we avoid it and we do anything in our power to stop it.  One thing that is certain in life, change is inevitable.

This week I experienced a milestone with my baby boy.  For most people it may seem like a simplistic and non eventful occasion.  Yet for me, it was momentous.

My baby boy who is two in less than a week had his first "big boy" hair cut.  A hair cut you may think? What's the big deal about hair?

To me his long hair represented his personality.  His curly, messy locks suited his cheeky, spunky personality to a tee.  However, it was more than that.  His long hair meant he was still my baby.  It kept him looking young and baby like.

Recently I have been processing and coming to terms with some truths.  Some truths that are emotional and difficult to accept.  My baby boy is about to turn two, this is the age I was picturing myself to be having my third child.  More to the point, if I were still successfully pregnant I would be 7-months already.

When I cut James' hair it made me realise that he's not a baby anymore, he is a toddler.  Obviously it wasn't the hair that turned him into a toddler, however, now when you look at his cheeky little face, there is no denying it.  He's growing up.

Of course having a boy who is growing into a beautiful, healthy, loving toddler should be something to be proud of, and I certainly am, yet it also hurts.

We long for such a huge part of our lives to get married and start a family.  When it finally happens it all just seems to go by so quickly.

At this stage it is looking likely that my little boy will be my last baby.  So for me, seeing him turn into a toddler with just one snip of his hair, made me realise that the baby years are more than likely over for me.

Although there are new and exciting things ahead, and there is an enormous amount of fun and adventures to be had.  For a small moment I need to mourn that my babies are growing up.

No matter what, one thing is for certain, to me, they will always be my babies!

My boy just days before his "big boy" hair cut!

My gorgeous boy all grown up!

We are their everything

This morning I was on my way to take my daughter to the doctors, we had some time to spare. I asked her if she wanted to see Mummy's old house.  "Yesssss Mummy" she answered.

Typical 4-year old behaviour she asked me lots of questions on the way..... "Who did you live here with? Why did you move? How old were you? Why do you now live with Daddy".

I explained to her that when you get older you leave your Mummy and Daddy's home and move into your own home.  I told her that I use to live with my Mummy and Daddy (Nanny and Poppy) and my sister (Aunty).  I said that when she's older she will move out of our home as well, just like I did.

I looked in my review mirror and saw tears running down her face.  Right then memories of my parents explaining the exact same thing to me came flooding back.

I remember at a young age wondering why people moved out of home, when my parents explained it to me I distinctly remember feeling upset.  I couldn't fathom the thought of ever being away from my parents.  The idea of being a grown up scared me.  Why would you leave? Why would you want to be on your own? Who would protect you?

I asked Sophia "What's wrong darling girl?".  She answered as she was fighting back the tears "I don't want to leave you Mummy, I want to live with you and Daddy forever".  Her voice was so soft, so sad, then little tears started running down her face.

Obviously being an adult I understand that it isn't something to be upset over.  However, for some strange reason I felt sad for her because I remember so many years ago feeling the exact same way.

It reminded me that at such a young age your parents are your everything.  Your world.  You can't imagine a life without them.  Being on your own, fending for yourself.

These little people in our lives look up to us for guidance and for approval.  We are their voice, we are there to shelter and protect them.

I looked at her in the mirror and said "Baby girl, you don't ever have to leave Mummy and Daddy, you can stay with us as long as you want".  She wiped away her tears with her chubby little fingers and as she used the end of her sleeve to mop up the snot she said "Thank you Mummy, I love you".