How many times a day do you hear the word Mum? Mum, Mumma, Mummy, Mummmmm. I loose count most days.
The other day we were in the car and my son was calling me "Mummy, mummy, mummy", I was selectively ignoring him. Then I heard "MUMMMM". My husband and I couldn't help but laugh.
We take hearing that word for granted. It happens countless times in any 24 hour period that after the 137th time it's just a word, not much meaning.
A few days ago I had had what felt like an endless day with the kids. No day sleeps, no down time, no rest, just go go go. By the end of the day we were all exhausted. I needed a minute or I felt as though my head was going to explode.
I sat the kids down to their dinner of pasta and cheese (don't judge, I gave myself a high five that it wasn't McDonalds). While they eat their dinner I normally run around putting a load of washing on, doing the dishes, doing the prep for mine and hubby's dinner. However, on this day I needed to just stop and be. So I sat on the lounge while they ate their dinner (in front of the TV, yep I'm one of those parents) and let myself relax.
My daughter, already 4, said "Mummy could you please feed me" in her sweetest, softest voice. Reluctantly I moved the couch forward and helped feed her dinner. On a night like this I wish someone could feed me.
As I was shovelling the pasta into her mouth she looked up at me and said "Mummy, thank you for helping, I'm just so tired. I'm lucky to have a Mummy like you".
WOW child..... Way to make my heart go BOOM BOOM BOOM.
Just like that when you have nothing left in the tank they give you some fuel.
So I said "You're welcome" and continued shovelling in the pasta.
Then of course I started to think. I'm her Mummy. I looked over at my son missing his mouth and putting more pasta on the ground than in his tummy, and I thought, I'm his Mummy.
These two little people think I'm pretty awesome just for being me.
Never ever take for granted that you are someone's Mummy. That you can hear the sound of the word "Mummy" numerous times a day. It is a very special gift given by God, cherish it!
Tuesday 15 September 2015
Tuesday 1 September 2015
On the eve of your birthday…..
If someone asked me what the hardest day of the year was for me, it wouldn't be 22nd January, the day we lost you. It would be 2nd September.
That date is more significant to me. That date is the day we should be celebrating with you. We should be raising a glass with you, laughing with you, hugging you, sharing a piece of cake with you and rejoicing in the fact that you are one year older.
God had other plans. We will never understand them, we may never even accept them. However, as much as it pains me to say, we can never change them.
So on 2nd September my heart will be heavy. Instead of celebrating I will be mourning. Instead of sharing a drink with you, I will drink in your honour. Instead of laughing with you I will cry. I will cry until I drift off to sleep and hope you appear in my dreams as you sometimes do.
Our dreams and memories are all we have left. Memories of your brief life on this Earth. Memories of happy times when none of us ever could have thought something so tragic would happen to us. Memories that I cherish and replay in my mind regularly.
I can remember one of my last happy times with you so vividly. I can still feel the warmth of the Spring evening, the smell of flowers that had already began to bloom, I can hear the laughter at both our table and the people around us. I can clearly see your beautiful smiling face. I will never ever forget the tight squeeze you gave me as we left. I can hear the words you spoke to me. As you wrapped your arms around me tightly you thanked us for coming to celebrate your birthday. It was our pleasure I responded.
The memories from that night have been etched in my mind and they will remain there forever. I replay them in fear of forgetting them. I replay them so that no matter what my cousin David will always have a place in my heart.
The pain never goes away, the heartache will always be raw. All I can do to make sense of it and hope that you are in a beautiful place. I pray to God that you are with him in paradise.
My gorgeous cousin David, my love for you is endless!
Love your cuzzie Jen
x
That date is more significant to me. That date is the day we should be celebrating with you. We should be raising a glass with you, laughing with you, hugging you, sharing a piece of cake with you and rejoicing in the fact that you are one year older.
God had other plans. We will never understand them, we may never even accept them. However, as much as it pains me to say, we can never change them.
So on 2nd September my heart will be heavy. Instead of celebrating I will be mourning. Instead of sharing a drink with you, I will drink in your honour. Instead of laughing with you I will cry. I will cry until I drift off to sleep and hope you appear in my dreams as you sometimes do.
Our dreams and memories are all we have left. Memories of your brief life on this Earth. Memories of happy times when none of us ever could have thought something so tragic would happen to us. Memories that I cherish and replay in my mind regularly.
I can remember one of my last happy times with you so vividly. I can still feel the warmth of the Spring evening, the smell of flowers that had already began to bloom, I can hear the laughter at both our table and the people around us. I can clearly see your beautiful smiling face. I will never ever forget the tight squeeze you gave me as we left. I can hear the words you spoke to me. As you wrapped your arms around me tightly you thanked us for coming to celebrate your birthday. It was our pleasure I responded.
The memories from that night have been etched in my mind and they will remain there forever. I replay them in fear of forgetting them. I replay them so that no matter what my cousin David will always have a place in my heart.
The pain never goes away, the heartache will always be raw. All I can do to make sense of it and hope that you are in a beautiful place. I pray to God that you are with him in paradise.
My gorgeous cousin David, my love for you is endless!
Love your cuzzie Jen
x
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