I am pretty confident in saying most people, especially Mum's have suffered sleep deprivation at some point in their life.
There is the science behind sleep deprivation that most people are aware of. Most of us have read the articles, watched the various segments on A Current Affair or the Today show, spoken to other Mum's about their stories.
The truth of the matter is, sleep deprivation can lead to heart disease, heart attack, high blood pressure, stroke, diabetes and mental illness (including depression and anxiety). This statement is not an opinion, it is a fact.
Unfortunately, when becoming a mother, sleep deprivation is at times out of our control, it is inevitable. We chat to our friends, acquaintances and at times when we are really tired complete strangers and soon realise a pattern is emerging. Our neighbours children don't sleep well, our friends children don't sleep well, the children at playgroup don't sleep well. You start to think to yourself, this is normal then, right???? Wrong!
This certainly does not have to be the case. Every child is different, every parent is different. There are hundreds of books, thousands of stories and millions of opinions. They all tell you how to put the baby to sleep, how to keep the baby asleep, how to be a great mother, what to feed the baby, what not to feed the baby however, they can all become a little confusing and overwhelming.
The purpose of me writing this post is not to change your routine, change your strategy or influence your parenting style. One thing I stand by is I am extremely open minded and non-judgemental when it comes to parenting. However, the purpose is to let you know that there is help out there if you so choose.
So here is my story, take from it what you wish……..
The one year mark for James was about to hit. The big milestone. My baby boy would be 1 year old. How did a whole year pass? Where did that time go? The old saying is certainly true "The days are long yet the years are short".
However, one milestone which we still had not yet reached was for James to "sleep through the night". Each month that rolled on by my husband and I would say to each other "It will happen soon, let's be patient".
We received lots of advice and opinions from people we know. Right down to "just shut the door and leave him". Surely this was not the answer. Surely abandoning my baby boy is not the only way to fix this problem.
Overall we were tired, exhausted and completely drained. Our energy tanks were running on close to empty. However, if I'm being completely honest, we were happy. We had somehow found a way to live with the sleep deprivation and enjoy our two children.
James was such an easy baby to put to sleep. You laid him in is cot, walked out of the room and whola, he was asleep. Staying asleep however, was a different story. He was waking around 2 to 3 times per night. Having a bottle and then going straight back to sleep. This was ok right? We could manage.
Then when James turned 17-months something happened. To this day I don't know why he changed, however, he soon became the baby who did not want to even go to sleep.
This changed everything. We would rock him to sleep, pat him to sleep, walk him to sleep, drive the car to put him to sleep. We did anything we could just to get the boy to sleep. It was exhausting.
My mental health went from being relatively good to rock bottom in a matter of weeks. My anxiety was in full force and depression was starting to creep back. Up to 2 hours before bedtime I would start to suffer anxiety at the thought of having to get him to sleep that night.
How could this happen? I felt like I was on the recovery path from suffering Post Natal Depression and all of a sudden everything came tumbling down.
It was when the anxiety was so bad that I suffered psychosis that I knew I needed help. To me medication wasn't the answer. My brain chemicals were just fine, they just needed rest. They needed sleep. They needed to re-charge.
I did some research and my findings confirmed that in 2007 there was a connection made between psychosis and sleep deprivation. I was not going insane by choice, the lack of sleep (I was averaging two to three hours per night) was literally killing me. It was in fact sending me insane.
I knew from the bottom of my heart that if I could just get James to sleep everything else would fall into place.
I finally made contact with a sleep consultant. She was amazing. From the first moment I made contact she could sense my anxiety and the frustration in my messages. When she phoned me for a chat my speech was racy and I couldn't think straight.
We booked in a time for Kim to come and see me straight away. I was desperate. It had now been almost four weeks since James had a proper night sleep.
Kim came to our home and met my family, she did an assessment of our situation and after some lengthy discussions she put a plan in place. The plan was practical. It was only making some minor adjustments to our current routine, however, these minor adjustments were critical.
James' response to Kim's routine was amazing. We were incredibly lucky, however, having said that we followed her guidelines to a tee. We were so desperate for results we did not want to make any alterations.
Kim's approach was soft and gentle. Yes he did cry a little, however, at this point I was so desperate to get my life back I was willing to do what it took to get James into a better routine. I knew that the decisions I was making would benefit both of us in the long term.
Kim also ensured me that the little bit of crying we allowed wasn't hurting him, that I wasn't abandoning him and she made sure that I was comfortable with the methods we were using.
We were not only allowing him to learn to sleep on his own, we were building a resilient boy who will inevitably face other challenges throughout his life. We were teaching him that I am always going to be here for him, however, he needs to also learn new things for himself. I was in the process of building a strong and confident boy who would one day be a strong and confident man.
The outcome was better than I could have ever imagined. I had my life back. I didn't go back to how I was feeling four weeks earlier, I went back to how I was feeling years earlier. My energy levels took time to increase, however, within a month of James sleeping through the night I felt like a new person.
It wasn't just about me though. It was the change in James that reassured me we were making the right decision. He started to eat more, become more alert, his speech improved and he was generally a much happier baby.
I think there are so many Mum's out there who think it is normal to feel so sleep deprived. Being a Mum is an incredibly exhausting job. I always say it isn't hard it's draining. The kids definitely zap a lot of energy out of you.
However, there is a clear difference between being exhausted and drained at the end of the day to suffering anxiety, depression and psychosis due to extreme sleep deprivation.
I still believe in a gentle approach, I still believe in nurturing your children. My babies are my world and I would hug them and kiss them all day long if they let me. However, in order for me to be the best Mum I could possibly be, I needed sleep.
I now have the energy to enjoy a full day with my two children and not suffer anxiety in the process. I truly believe I am a better mother.
If you are suffering sleep deprivation please feel free to contact Kim. I have told Kim time and time again she saved my life. She helped me live again and be extremely happy.
http://www.sleepysaurus.com.au
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