Random Acts of Kindness - 8th December 2015

Today's Random Act of Kindness was to tell someone 10 things that you love about them!

Sophia picked her Aunty.....

1) I love when Aunty kisses me with lipstick on;

2) I love when Aunty comes to visit me;

3) I love Aunties nails;

4) I love when Aunty does my nails (does she know you shouldn't do them all the time, it's not good for them);

5) I love when Aunty brings me dinosaur cards;

6) I love when Aunty takes me to a cafe;

Ummmmmm, she's only 4, she could only come up with 6!

So I asked James........

7) Auntyyyyyyyyy;

Ummmmmm, he's only 2, guess I'll finish it!

8) I love how my sister cares about the future of all children and is invested into educating each and every student she has;

9) I love how my sister puts family before anything else;

10) Most of all I love how my sister loves my children like they are her own.  Both my babies are blessed to have a loving, caring, devoted Aunty!

xxx

It's not all smiles and carols.....

On Sunday, in the 30 degree heat I text my husband whilst at the shops and said "Start putting the Christmas tree up, the kids and I will decorate when we get home"!

How simple was that?

All I wanted was to complete one of our family traditions, decorating the tree with carols, laughter, cheer and fun!  Simple right?!? Wrong.

I arrived home to find my not so impressed husband putting up the tree, sweating like a pig and looking like if the kids and my parents weren't around that tree would be thrown right at my head.

"Oh great you got my text" I cheerfully said!

The kids started jumping up and down, extremely excited to be decorating the tree.

So whilst hubby completed the assembly with two highly passionate kids saying 378 times "Can we decorate yet?" I went on the hunt for the decorations.

The first box I found was the one with the really cute teddies that sing a Christmas song when you press their hand, my two year old found these toys rather impressive.  Hot and flustered hubby, not so much!

I went into the garage and finally found the box of decorations...... BURIED RIGHT AT THE BOTTOM!  I came out and asked hubby to help me retrieve them.  We exchanged a few choice words in the garage out of the kids earshot and then finally we had them out.

The kids started decorating (still singing along to the merry teddy bear), my Mum laid on the couch icing her face from a headache, my Dad was out the back watering my gardens trying to figure out how much Seasol per litre of water (in 30 degree heat) and hubby just refused to be apart of it at this point and went for a shower!

Christmas isn't always like in the movies, perfectly dressed children happily decorating Christmas trees and singing along to carols (in tune of course).  It was hot, it was crazy and it was extremely messy!

At the end, the tree was decorated, the house was full of dust thanks to the decorations being stored in the garage but more importantly the kids both had a HUGE smile on their face.  

Hubby and I had time to take a breath (and remove the singing teddy from the 2-year old) and we sat back, ate vegemite sambos with the kids and admired our artistically decorated tree (Mum and Dad had already bailed out by this point).

Enjoy YOUR kind of Christmas.  Don't try and make it someone else, make it your own!

Wake up call.....

The words that came out of my 4-year olds mouth broke my heart.  I felt like I had failed.  I knew in this moment that she had been exposed to everything I was trying to protect her against.  She had been exposed, thanks to me!

I was getting ready for work, standing in front of the mirror in my underwear.  My girl stood next to me and starred.

She asked me in her soft, sweet voice "Mumma can you do my hair like yours today?", "Yes sweetheart" I responded.  She went on to ask for the same hair, the same shoes, the same lipstick, the same belt.  She wanted to be just.like.Mumma!

Once I had finished getting ready I looked down at her and told her how beautiful she looked.  She responded "Mumma do you think people will think my tummy looks big in this dress?".  My heart broke.  I honestly had to fight back the tears.

How could these words be coming out of the mouth of my beautiful, sweet, amazingly perfect 4-year old girl?

Right then I knew that I hadn't done enough, I hadn't worked hard enough to shield her from any of my own insecurities.  I thought I was doing so well, clearly not good enough.

Her innocent and pure 4-year old mind did not need to be thinking such thoughts.  She didn't need to be exposed to the awful world of body insecurities.  She is FOUR!

I looked at her in the eyes and said to her "My darling girl no one could ever think your tummy looks big in that dress because your tummy is perfect, your entire face is perfect, your body is perfect, you my dear are perfect".  She gave me one of her tender smiles and carried on with her morning.

I understand that she wouldn't have comprehended the question she was asking me.  She doesn't genuinely feel that people think her tummy is big.  However, she has clearly heard me say these words.  She has likely heard me as my husband the same question.

She mimics EVERYTHING I do. She wants to be just like Mumma.  So in order for me to do the best job I can possibly do as a Mumma I need to fill her world with positive affirmations and reassurance.

Although life is challenging and I am raising strong and resilient children, body image is not something I feel they are ready for.  I don't feel they need to be thinking let alone worrying about this topic at such a young point in their lives.

So I will now tell my little shadow that in this house we embrace and love our body, it is the most amazing thing we will every own.

My letter to Sophia..... August 2013

To my darling girl,

In all of my letters to you they have been written on special occasions, times of happiness and celebration. This letter is written during a tough time, during a time when things are not perfect. I want to write this now so that my feelings are fresh and clear in my mind, and my memories aren't clouded.

This letter is to help you if you choose to be a mummy one day. 

My gorgeous Sophia, being a mummy is the most rewarding, enjoyable job in the entire world. It is also the hardest, most challenging and toughest experience you will ever have. However, each difficult step you come across, every challenge and every obstacle will help you grow stronger and wiser.

This my dear is my promise to you......

I promise that when it is time for you to be a mum I won't sugar coat things, but I will always help you see the light and the positive side of all situations.

I promise that I will not interfere with your family, yet I will show my ongoing support and offer my guidance whenever it is needed.

I promise that I will be a shoulder for you to cry on and someone you can always reach out to. I will offer my advice and share with you my experiences, yet it will be your decision to do with this information as you please.

I promise that no matter how old you are that I will always be your Mumma and I will always be there for you in whatever capacity you need me to be.

What I am learning is that babies are just small people, they aren't perfect, they aren't robots and most importantly they are all so different. One persons experience with motherhood may be completely different from the rest. All I can do when you become a mother is share with you my experiences and hope that in some way they can help you.

The day you become a mother your world changes forever. You are now responsible for another human being, ensuring their safety, health and happiness always comes first. This feeling can be very overwhelming at first, however, in time you will grow into that role.

I will try my best to guide you on the importance of balancing your partner and children's happiness and wellbeing as well as ensuring your needs are always a priority. It is so crucial that you as the mother and wife are happy, to ensure you can keep your family unit content.

When your baby brother was born my time with you was halved, I still worry that I'm not able to give you enough of my time and attention. However, I just want you to know how proud of you I am. I am so honored to say you are my daughter. You are only two years old as I write this letter and the love and affection you show your brother amazes me. You have adjusted so well and I couldn't have asked for a better outcome.

When I was pregnant with James I was so worried how you would adjust and react to such a big change. How was I to know then, that it was me who would struggle. You my dear have just taken it all in your stride.

Having your baby brother has been a tough time for Mumma. When it was just the two of us things seemed so easy. Having two babies is a whole new challenge, which I am still trying to figure out. I honestly didn't think it would be this hard.

My love for your brother is as strong and intense as my love for you. My heart aches as I look at his beautiful little face. However, since he was born, Mumma has been very sick. Just know beautiful girl, I'm fighting to get better. I don't want to be sick. I want to be happy and healthy with my two amazingly beautiful children.

I am learning that certain things are out of my control and I need to slow down and re-assess my priorities. If you decide to become a Mumma one day, all of this will make sense. It is the most surreal and intense time of your life, I’m slowly learning to embrace this huge change. It's amazing, rewarding and at times very difficult.

Some times things seem hard for Mumma and I may scream and shout, I may even be sad and upset, however, when you are much older and reading this I hope you don't remember those times, but instead remember the fun times we share together.

I hope you are left with memories of dancing and singing in the lounge room with Mumma, of me watching you at dancing each week, taking you to your swimming lessons and playing with you at play group. This is what I want you to remember. I want you to look back on your childhood with similar fond memories that I have of mine.

Life feels so difficult at times but then you give me a smile, a cheeky laugh, a cuddle or a kiss and it all feels worth while. I am reminded of why I chose this role and why it is ultimately what I love to do.

Sophia Rose, I love you with all my heart. I know whether you choose to become a mother or not you will grow into a beautiful young woman. You are already headed down that path.

Lots of love, your devoted mother xxx

This photo was taken the day after I was diagnosed with PND.  I felt like my world would never be "normal" again.  However, through hard work and determination my life is back on track.

You don't need to enjoy "EVERY" moment!

I was chatting to a friend yesterday.  She mentioned how every time she logs onto Facebook there are numerous posts and articles about enjoying every moment with your children.  They talk about how we will wish they were younger again one day and to not wish the years away.

We both had a chat about this in depth and had a few things we agreed on.........

Firstly, I enjoyed the baby years.... YES.  I'm enjoying the toddler years...... YES.  However, will I necessarily want to re-live each stage, maybe not, probably not.

Although I sometimes get teary when my babies reach a milestone or when a particular "phase" is over, I simply move on and enjoy the next chapter.  I think each chapter and phase of being a Mum is just as exciting and rewarding as the last.

If I'm being completely honest I am in fact enjoying and loving the toddler years much more than the newborn phase.

The other point we both agreed on was the whole concept of "enjoying" every moment.  So let's get a few things straight.  I believe in being grateful for what we have in life, I believe in enjoying the positives of your day/week/month, I believe in reflecting on your life and realising how blessed we are.  Yet what I don't agree with is enjoying every.single.moment.

There is so much pressure on Mum's these days to enjoy every moment, I feel it's causing more anxiety when we are having a bad day.  I'm certain that social media also plays a part in this.  People are sharing a snap shot of their lives, an add if you like for the "good times".  It isn't often we see the imperfections or the struggles (and when you do they tend to then be extreme).

Take my day yesterday for example...... I enjoyed that my kids ate all their brekkie (winning), I enjoyed that my cousin and her son were over for a play date, I enjoyed going to the gym and having time out.

However, I DID NOT enjoy having to ask 15 times for Miss 4 to put her shoes on, I did NOT enjoy negotiating with Mr 2 to sit in the trolley because Mummy didn't bring the pram, and I certainly DID NOT enjoy Mr 2 slapping Miss 4 in the face three times.

There will always be moments or even days were we just don't ENJOY being a Mum.  That's ok.  We are only human.

So back to my original philosophy and core beliefs, cherish your children, smother them with love, be present in the moment and be grateful they are yours.  However, allow yourself every now and then to say "well today kinda sucked!".

Live, laugh & be happy!

A constant term or phrase that is being used a lot lately is "mindfulness".  We are always being told to slow down and be present.  Some people perceive slowing down to be staying home for the day, others it's not doing formal kids activities.  For me, slowing down is to stop, breathe, feel my own sense of calm and take in that moment.

Earlier this week we experienced one of those perfect beach days again.  So of course I took the opportunity to take both babies to the beach and catch up with a close friend.  Instead of the day going past in a flash I like to stop and take in everything around me.  The sound of the ocean, the waves as they hit the sand, the smell of the salt water, the rays of sun as they hit (and ultimately end up burning) my back.

My daughter decided to borrow her friends floatie for most of our time at the beach, so I sat with my little boy in the sand and watched as she was in toddler heaven.  She floated in and out of the ocean with the flow of the waves.  I diligently kept my eye on her enough to ensure her safety, but also relaxed enough to take in every moment of my day.

The chatter between my friend and I was of course endless, we laughed and watched our kiddies play and both agreed in that moment we really were blessed.  I stopped and said to her "look at our lives"!

We have been friends since high school and since having children around the same time have re-connected and built an incredible bond.  To stop and think of where we have both ended up in life, makes me extremely happy and content.

So whatever it is you're doing, even just a simple trip to the beach, take in every single moment.

Enjoy your life, take note of the smaller things, be grateful, laugh from the bottom of your tummy and love from the deepest part of your heart.

"Two held in my arms, five held in my heart"

I have always been a big believer of getting rid of tension, negativity and drama in my life.  I encourage my friends and family to do the same.  If something is too difficult or too much work then it probably isn't worth being emotionally invested in.  I take this approach with the people I have in my life.

Having said that, on the flip side, I also keep an extremely open mind and try my very best (not always perfect) at being non-judgemental.  I definitely believe in the saying that people are in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Although I find that when someone leaves your life, for whatever reason, you can close the door, however, don't lock it.  Don't throw away the key.  You can move on mentally and emotionally, yet still be open to what the future may hold.

I have a family member who I haven't spoken to for over two years.  Not necessarily any real reason, I guess we just lost contact and our lives were going in different directions.  Although I had accepted that and I assume she had accepted that, nothing was really spoken.

Recently she stumbled across my blog and found my story about losing the twins in January this year.  I received a text asking for my address.  I was curious as to why she wanted my new address, however, I didn't ask any questions and passed it on.

When I returned home that day from a long, exhausting day of work, gym and day care pick up I found the most thoughtful and beautiful gift in my letterbox.

This very generous family member had purchased a beautiful necklace for me with five stunning charms enclosed in a locket.  She wrote me a touching message "Two held in my arms, five held in my heart".  I was blown away.  I could not believe that someone who I hadn't spoken to in over two years could be so caring and kind.

I talk a lot about kindness and how we should all be more kind to each other.  When acts of kindness like this happen in life, especially to me, it restores my faith in people.

So my message to you all is, rid your life of negativity, don't hold onto the trauma or stress of the past.  However, always keep an open mind.  We don't know what the future holds.

I can't thank this lady enough and I will cherish this gift forever.