To my darling girl,
In all of my letters to you they have been
written on special occasions, times of happiness and celebration. This letter is
written during a tough time, during a time when things are not perfect. I want
to write this now so that my feelings are fresh and clear in my mind, and my
memories aren't clouded.
This letter is to help you if you choose to
be a mummy one day.
My gorgeous Sophia, being a mummy is the most rewarding,
enjoyable job in the entire world. It is also the hardest, most challenging and
toughest experience you will ever have. However, each difficult step you come
across, every challenge and every obstacle will help you grow stronger and wiser.
This my dear is my promise to you......
I promise that when it is time for you to
be a mum I won't sugar coat things, but I will always help you see the light
and the positive side of all situations.
I promise that I will not interfere with your
family, yet I will show my ongoing support and offer my guidance whenever it is needed.
I promise that I will be a shoulder for you
to cry on and someone you can always reach out to. I will offer my advice and share with you my
experiences, yet it will be your decision to do with this information as you
please.
I promise that no matter how old you are that I will always be your Mumma and I will always be there for you in whatever
capacity you need me to be.
What I am learning is that babies are just small people,
they aren't perfect, they aren't robots and most importantly they are all so
different. One persons experience with motherhood may be completely different from the rest.
All I can do when you become a mother is share with you my experiences and hope that in some way they can help you.
The day you become a mother your world
changes forever. You are now responsible for another human being, ensuring
their safety, health and happiness always comes first. This feeling can be very
overwhelming at first, however, in time you will grow into that role.
I will try my best to guide you on the
importance of balancing your partner and children's happiness and wellbeing as
well as ensuring your needs are always a priority. It is so crucial that you as the mother and wife are happy, to ensure you can keep your family unit content.
When your baby brother was born my time
with you was halved, I still worry that I'm not able to give you enough of my
time and attention. However, I just want you to know how proud of you I am. I
am so honored to say you are my daughter. You are only two years old as I write
this letter and the love and affection you show your brother amazes me. You
have adjusted so well and I couldn't have asked for a better outcome.
When I was pregnant with James I was so
worried how you would adjust and react to such a big change. How was I to know
then, that it was me who would struggle. You my dear have just taken it all in
your stride.
Having your baby brother has been a tough
time for Mumma. When it was just the two of us things seemed so easy. Having
two babies is a whole new challenge, which I am still trying to figure out. I
honestly didn't think it would be this hard.
My love for your brother is as strong and
intense as my love for you. My heart aches as I look at his beautiful little face.
However, since he was born, Mumma has been very sick. Just know beautiful girl,
I'm fighting to get better. I don't want to be sick. I want to be happy and
healthy with my two amazingly beautiful children.
I am learning that certain things are out
of my control and I need to slow down and re-assess my priorities. If you
decide to become a Mumma one day, all of this will make sense. It is the most
surreal and intense time of your life, I’m slowly learning to embrace this huge
change. It's amazing, rewarding and at times very difficult.
Some times things seem hard for Mumma and I
may scream and shout, I may even be sad and upset, however, when you are much
older and reading this I hope you don't remember those times, but instead
remember the fun times we share together.
I hope you are left with memories of dancing and singing in the lounge
room with Mumma, of me watching you at dancing each week, taking you to your
swimming lessons and playing with you at play group. This is what I want you to
remember. I want you to look back on your childhood with similar fond memories
that I have of mine.
Life feels so difficult at times but then you
give me a smile, a cheeky laugh, a cuddle or a kiss and it all feels worth
while. I am reminded of why I chose this role and why it is ultimately what I
love to do.
Sophia Rose, I love you with all my heart.
I know whether you choose to become a mother or not you will grow into a
beautiful young woman. You are already headed down that path.
Lots of love, your devoted mother xxx
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| This photo was taken the day after I was diagnosed with PND. I felt like my world would never be "normal" again. However, through hard work and determination my life is back on track. |
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