The words that came out of my 4-year olds mouth broke my heart. I felt like I had failed. I knew in this moment that she had been exposed to everything I was trying to protect her against. She had been exposed, thanks to me!
I was getting ready for work, standing in front of the mirror in my underwear. My girl stood next to me and starred.
She asked me in her soft, sweet voice "Mumma can you do my hair like yours today?", "Yes sweetheart" I responded. She went on to ask for the same hair, the same shoes, the same lipstick, the same belt. She wanted to be just.like.Mumma!
Once I had finished getting ready I looked down at her and told her how beautiful she looked. She responded "Mumma do you think people will think my tummy looks big in this dress?". My heart broke. I honestly had to fight back the tears.
How could these words be coming out of the mouth of my beautiful, sweet, amazingly perfect 4-year old girl?
Right then I knew that I hadn't done enough, I hadn't worked hard enough to shield her from any of my own insecurities. I thought I was doing so well, clearly not good enough.
Her innocent and pure 4-year old mind did not need to be thinking such thoughts. She didn't need to be exposed to the awful world of body insecurities. She is FOUR!
I looked at her in the eyes and said to her "My darling girl no one could ever think your tummy looks big in that dress because your tummy is perfect, your entire face is perfect, your body is perfect, you my dear are perfect". She gave me one of her tender smiles and carried on with her morning.
I understand that she wouldn't have comprehended the question she was asking me. She doesn't genuinely feel that people think her tummy is big. However, she has clearly heard me say these words. She has likely heard me as my husband the same question.
She mimics EVERYTHING I do. She wants to be just like Mumma. So in order for me to do the best job I can possibly do as a Mumma I need to fill her world with positive affirmations and reassurance.
Although life is challenging and I am raising strong and resilient children, body image is not something I feel they are ready for. I don't feel they need to be thinking let alone worrying about this topic at such a young point in their lives.
So I will now tell my little shadow that in this house we embrace and love our body, it is the most amazing thing we will every own.
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