I thought about how my body looked five years ago compared to now. How I was slim, fit and healthy. I had no stress and life was relatively care free.
I then went on to think about how I have to stop wishing my body was the same as it was five years ago. Although I am actively trying to improve my health by eating the right foods and exercising regularly, constantly wishing I could rewind the clock is doing my mental health no favours.
In the past four months I have lost 8kg, however, even 8kg lighter I am still 20kg over my "goal weight". Up until today this is all I kept focusing on. When people would give me compliments on my weight loss the first thing I would either think or say is "Oh yes but I still have a long way to go".
I haven't once stopped and felt proud that I have lost 8kg. I haven't stopped and looked at how far I've come since April. All I have done is look back on photos where I am much thinner than I am today and wished I was in that place.
Sitting in the spa today I thought to myself. Who was that girl in the photos, who was that thin girl with no wrinkles and perky boobs? What was it that I daydreamed of back then? Then it came to me, these were my thoughts in 2010 just five years ago:
* I can't wait to get married;
* As soon as I'm married I want to start a family;
* I need to loose more weight (must get to the gym more, must eat healthier, must cut out junk food).
So even then, even at my thinnest, I don't know that I was every really happy with my appearance. So I thought to myself, if I wasn't happy then how could I be happy now?
I decided to look at what I have achieved in the past five years which has lead me to where I am today…….
* I may not have a flat tummy anymore, however, this tummy has been pregnant four times and delivered two beautiful babies;
* I may not have perky boobs, however, I breast fed my two gorgeous babies for the first part of their lives to ensure they had the healthiest possible start;
* I may look weathered, however, this mind and this soul has beaten Post Natal Depression, come out the other side of personal grief and faced redundancies, career lows and financial stress head on and still come out ok.
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| The pre-chidlren and post-children version of my body. One thing that I can honestly say is in each photo I am truly happy with my life. |
My 20's were fun, fast paced and let's face it non-stop. I had all the time in the world to focus on me and my needs. I was my main priority.
These days it's a balancing act. Finding the right amount of time to focus on me and my personal needs as well as looking after my two children and spending quality time with not only my gorgeous husband but also my family and friends.
I feel as though right now everything in my life is well balanced. The only thing I was continually struggling with is my body image. I was sick of looking in the mirror and seeing "fat".
So from this day forward I vow not to do that. I promise myself that whilst I am on this amazing weight loss journey I love my body at each and every stage.
I will praise myself for the amazing job my body has done over the past five years. I stop and I thank my body for not only providing me with a beautiful family but also for keeping me alive.
For anyone else who is struggling with body image issues, please stop and think about what your body has done for you. Before you look at yourself in the mirror with disgust and frustration, take a minute to think about where you have come from and where you are going.
Although it is ok to want to make changes, to live a healthier lifestyle and be the best version of yourself, I also think it is important we don't continually beat ourselves up for not being picture perfect.
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