Just because one person thinks a certain behaviour, routine or habit is normal, it doesn't mean we will all agree. My normal and your normal might be two completely different ends of the spectrum.
When it comes to raising children, I think we tend to judge, analysis, criticise and dismiss other peoples parenting style when it is different to our own. What I pride myself on is being non-judgemental. Yes I have an opinion on things, I think we're all entitled to an opinion. However, I really do try and not project my opinion onto other people. What works for one family may be completely different to the next.
So what is one of the biggest parenting debates? To co-sleep or not to co-sleep. Unfortunately, it is a topic which really should not effect anyone other than the people living in that given household. So why do we all get so worked up about other peoples sleeping habits?
I did this, I was judgemental. When I first had Sophia I followed a strict routine and from 10-weeks old the little darling slept 10 hours straight, self settled and to be honest, was an absolute breeze. So when I heard about people rocking their babies to sleep, feeding their babies to sleep or heaven forbid sleeping with their babies, I thought it was just plain wrong. Why on Earth would you create a baby to be so dependant on you?
Then came James…… Well we had two issues here didn't we? We had James, the terrible sleeper. However, we also had in the mix Sophia, the toddler who all of a sudden decided to develop a sleeping issue. She was not yet two when James was born and when he was around 2-months old she decided that the only way she would be going to bed was with her Mumma.
Fast forward three years, throw in a visit to Tresillian, a visit from a sleep consultant and our fair share of rough nights and well things aren't much better. My little man who is almost three puts himself to sleep every single night like an angel. However, when he wakes (not if, when), he will only re-settle with Mumma or Dadda. So what do we do? We re-settle him.
You see after three years of broken sleep (there was actually a 12-month period in there where the sleep consultant worked miracles, however, James regressed and we got lazy) one thing we have learnt is you just do what you gotta do.
Sophia on the other hand, well when she's out for the night, she's OUT! It's getting her to that point that is the challenge. To be fair she is a lot easier these days and for the most part we have found our groove. Yet there is no way in this world she would fall asleep on her own. She needs Mumma by her side until she dozes off.
This is my family, this is our sleep deprived story, so why do so many feel the need to judge. Not just strangers, I'm talking friends, colleagues, family, everyone really.
We have become so use to our routine that most nights I don't really think about it as being wrong, I don't see an issue. It can be challenging and at times I definitely loose my patience. I do feel though, this would be the same in most households when it comes to bed time routine. Even those miracle children I hear about who go to bed with no drama, surely that isn't EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT?
I'm not her to debate pro co-sleeping. I am here though, to debate "mind your own business".
Over the years, I have learned to love sleeping with my girl. To be able to hear if she's having a bad dream and immediately calm her, to feel her soft hand wrap over me in the middle of the night, the moment in the early hours of a chilly morning when she slides her feet under my legs to warm herself.
The feeling of having my sweet baby girl in bed next to me is a blessing I will cherish, until the day she decides she is too old. That day will come and it will be me missing her presence as she finds her independence in her big bed.
When I wake up every single morning to her asking me if it's day time yet, then we call in James and Dadda (who are always awake before us), the four of us cuddle in the big bed and talk about our plans for the day. These are the special moments which will live within me forever.
Our arrangements aren't perfect, they could do with some tweaking, yet they are our arrangements. This is our journey and we are fumbling our way through, easing our children into independence at their own pace.
So when people so kindly give me their opinion on my home, my marriage and my sleeping arrangements I simply say……. We're happy, at times tired, but happy. Chris and I are married and love sharing a bed, however, we decided to have two beautiful children. Our commitment at this point is to them and our family as an entire family unit. Our children won't be in our beds, or our homes for that matter, forever. There will be a time for us as a married couple, for now, it's about family.
My advice to any Mothers (especially those with newborns) is, don't co-sleep simply because it's on trend, don't kick them out of your bed and partake in controlled crying techniques simply because you read it in some book. Find what suits your family. Listen to advice from those with experience and decide for yourself what your journey will look like.
Surround yourself with people who are supportive and encouraging. I have a handful of friends who I can moan and complain to about our sleeping arrangements, yet these gorgeous friend would never suggest I change anything. They listen, they let me vent and they understand that this is my choice, yet I am allowed to be frustrated at times.
Finally, always remember, they're not little for long. When it's late at night and you're getting kicked in the face by a tiny little foot feel blessed God gave you the opportunity to have that tiny little person in your life. It is a gift never to be taken for granted.
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| Waking up to this every morning can only put a smile on my face! |
